Rapture or Rupture?

It is 11:30 the day before the rapture (according to Bob James). I'm kind of tired but I hate to go to sleep in case Jesus comes at 12:01 Central Standard Time. If you are reading this, either Bob James was wrong or you have been left behind. If the former, don't be too critical—James has the same "batting average" of every other prognosticator who has previously tried to pinpoint the exact coming of Jesus and one must admire his courage to give a specific date. Hey, "If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly." If, however, the rapture has taken place it should be obvious by now from the reports of catastrophic airplane crashes (although this could merely be the result of drunken pilots and/or sleeping traffic controllers). In the meantime, you might want to snag any books you can by Tim LaHaye and Hal Linsey (their websites will likely still be functional). Though dated at this point, they should offer at least a skeletal template for some upcoming events. Also, stock up on bottled water and spam (which should survive Armageddon and last through the millennium). You should also probably avoid tattoos, credit cards, and any kind of scanner. Since my home will be empty, you are welcome to squat here if you can beat the rush of looters. You have seven years before I'll be needing it again. In case Don Bluth was wrong, please feed our dog.